Undone

“Open my eyes to see You, Lord”, this has long been my heart's cry,

To see You blazing in Your Glory, exalted o’er the heavens above;

I thought the clearer I saw You, I’d feel warmth and glow inside,

Instead I’ve been laid low before You, undone by Holy Love.

You spoke and then the earth shook open, trembling at Your Holy Word,

And then You called for the sea’s waters, poured them out onto the land;

I saw Your Glory so brightly, as Your judgement began to fall -

I fell onto my face before You, undone by Righteous Hands.

No man can stand before Your gaze, O Almighty, Sovereign Lord,

We are naked, sinful, wretched, exposed in our guilt and shame;

But then You gently said “O child, your Heavenly Father I remain”,

I bowed still lower before Jesus, undone - He took my blame.

Your mercy's beyond comprehension, even now as nations shake,

Today's the day of our salvation, Sovereign Lord, open eyes to see;

Give me grace to preach with boldness the gospel You’ve poured into me,

I’m ready Lord, for now I'm broken, undone, emptied of me.

Fear God and give Him Glory

Yesterday as I awoke to the unbelievable pictures from Japan’s earthquake and tsunami, I realised that we were not simply watching pictures demonstrating the awesome power of nature and man’s complete helplessness in the wake of that power. We were witnessing the hand of Almighty God at work, shaking the peoples of the earth from their complacency, in order to bring them to repentance towards Him.

Almighty God had suddenly become much more Almighty, and it put the fear of God into me. As I prayed, I realised I was feeling exactly the same as I’d felt a few months ago as I struggled with the Glory of God. Then, I was overcome by the searing brilliant light of God’s Holiness and my inability to stand before Him. In the presence of His Awesome nature, His complete and utter Goodness, my sin was all too apparent. All my instincts were crying out to me to run and hide to save myself (where to? Where can I flee from Your Spirit?) – and yet from out of that Holiness my Heavenly Father was calling to me to come to Him, gently reassuring me that in Christ my sins were forgiven and I was able to approach Him, with confidence, in Christ, my conscience now cleansed, a new creation. I’m still not sure I’ve entirely recovered from this. I’m not sure I want to recover from this. I pray the stunning good news of the Gospel message is something I never get used to.

I felt exactly the same yesterday. Seeing Almighty God at work in the world in such a powerful way, bringing man up short to realise he is but dust, to focus his attention on things eternal, his need of a Saviour before a Holy God, put the fear of God into me.

I began to wonder whether the events in Japan were, in fact, a demonstration of the Glory of God. And as I read my Bible last night, I came across this passage:

“Then I saw another angel flying in midair, and he had the eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth—to every nation, tribe, language and people. He said in a loud voice, “Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come. Worship him who made the heavens, the earth, the sea and the springs of water.” (Rev 14:6-7)

Fear God and give Him glory, because the hour of His judgment has come. Have we come to the hour of His judgment? I don’t know. I do see shaking of the nations, political and economic turmoil. And I see a merciful God who continues to give man every opportunity to repent and believe, as shown by the angel who has the eternal gospel to proclaim to every nation, tribe, language and people. I see mercy and judgment working together. Tozer clarified this for me this week: “Between His attributes no contradiction can exist. He need not suspend one to exercise another, for in Him all His attributes are one. All of God does all that God does” (The Knowledge of the Holy). The attributes of God are not vying against one another as some would have us believe, with love trumping justice, for example. No clearer example exists of mercy and judgement working together than at the cross, where the judgment of a Holy God against sin was satisfied by the death of His Beloved Son, enabling mercy to be shown to sinners like you and me.

God’s mercy and judgment acting together. Provoking a response of fear. Resulting in Glory to God and worship and praise of His Name.

May God indeed have mercy on us all.

Revelation from the peaks

Ben Nevis, in Fort William

The Highlands in Scotland now possess a little piece of my heart. Having just spent a few days in the town of Fort William, snuggled at the foot of Ben Nevis, the tallest mountain in Britain, the beauty of the place completely won me over. Towering mountains surround this small town. Typical Scottish weather meant it was damp and overcast much of the time we were there, obscuring much of our view, but there were tantalizing glimpses of the peaks.

Majesty shrouded in mystery.

Show me a mountain and I feel a surge of adrenalin as I imagine climbing to the top and feeling the exhilaration of my reward of seeing the view from the top. I did in fact climb to the top of Ben Nevis, about 10 years ago, and was well rewarded for my efforts! These days I have to be content with ascending via gondolas, or walking around in the foothills with my 5 year old in tow – but we’re working on his walking skills : )

It struck me this week how much of my experience of God has taken place on the mountain peaks.

It was on Mount Sinai that I was broken before a Holy God who revealed His Law to Moses.

It was from the Sermon on the Mount that I was undone as the full extent of the Law was expounded by Jesus.

It was from a high mountain that I bowed before the revelation of the Glory of Jesus as He was transfigured before His disciples.

It was from a hill called Golgotha that Jesus Himself paid the penalty for my sins against a Holy God through His atoning death, which bought my redemption, forgiveness of sins, and reconciliation with my Heavenly Father.

It was from the Mount of Olives that the Risen Jesus ascended to Heaven to become my High Priest and Mediator, interceding for me at the right hand of His Father.

I believe it will be to the Mount of Olives that Jesus will return again, to bring salvation to His Bride, and when every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord, to the Glory of His Father.

God reveals Himself from the mountains. The apostle John recounts: “One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, “Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.” And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God” (Rev 21:9-10).

In these days in which we are living, I believe we would all do well to cry out to God to take us to the tops of the mountains in order that He may grant us to see with a clearer vision.

In the last days

the mountain of the LORD’s temple will be established

as chief among the mountains;

it will be raised above the hills,

and all nations will stream to it.

Many peoples will come and say,
“Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD,

to the house of the God of Jacob.

He will teach us his ways,

so that we may walk in his paths.”

The law will go out from Zion,
the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.

He will judge between the nations

and will settle disputes for many peoples.

They will beat their swords into plowshares

and their spears into pruning hooks.

Nation will not take up sword against nation,

nor will they train for war anymore."

(Isaiah 2:2-4)

With You I've Already Won

I love to hear testimonies of how God has worked in the lives of my friends. My confidence and praise in God increases each time I hear these examples of how the Living God has worked through a situation to refine and bring forth the gold of a faith which continues to triumphantly declare “Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, His love endures for ever!” (Psalm 118:1).

Many of these testimonies are not what the world will find successful however. I was crushed when I heard a pastor tell us “People, non-Christians, need to look at your life and say ‘I want what you’ve got’”. This put such a burden on me, that my life somehow had to become attractive from the world’s perspective in order to win souls for Christ. This is not how evangelism works! Our lives are not the gospel – the gospel message is that Jesus Christ laid down his life for our sins, that we might be reconciled to God. This is the good news that we need to proclaim, with our words, and it is the Holy Spirit who will bring conviction and repentance as He wills, as we proclaim that message.

However, I believe that as Christians we can edify one another through our stories, which invariably are not what the world would find encouraging.

One such story is of my beautiful friend, Helen. She is a talented singer/songwriter, and released a couple of albums which received very positive feedback in the late 1990s, and was on the brink of making a big impact in Christian music, when she was struck down by ME. She has battled with ME ever since, having periods of respite, and then falling ill again. Life is a constant battle. Days of brightness and hope contrast with days of sickness and feelings of hopelessness.

We’ve been trying to arrange to meet up for months, and eventually managed to get together for a coffee last week. And I was so encouraged to hear Helen speak so intimately of her Lord and Saviour, of her love for Him, of her struggles to find her place of rest in Him.

This is real faith. When all is seemingly against you, do you continue to turn to the One who knows all things, who searches our hearts and minds, who knows us better than we know ourselves? Will you continue to give thanks to Him, this Good God of ours, when there are no answers? When we can’t make sense of life, will we bow before Him and say we trust Him even then?

And out of the refining process a gold nugget springs forth. Helen wrote and recorded this song in 2009, but has been unable to promote it since. Yet even if the world does not get to hear it, I know that her Heavenly Father hears her singing and delights to hear her voice, and her testimony of His faithfulness. And that is all that matters.

Lost Portrait

For an English assignment at school, when 16 years old, I was asked to discuss the thought that “Inside each one of us there is an evil monster struggling to get out”. I used as my main resource The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde. For those unfamiliar with the story, a handsome young man Dorian has a portrait painted which perfectly captures his beauty. In an act of vanity, he sells his soul to the devil so that his physical beauty will never fade, whilst instead the portrait changes to reflect his decay both physically and morally. The portrait grows increasingly hideous and vile as the story progresses and eventually has to be kept hidden in the attic out of sight, covered up, as it becomes too shocking to set eyes upon.

As a Christian, I have been lugging this vile portrait around with me. As my understanding of God’s holiness has grown, so has the ugliness of my portrait. Any time I dared to peer at my portrait, I would recoil in horror at what I saw there. Exhortations to test myself to examine whether I was in the faith literally ended in despair when confronted by my portrait.

I was the Romans 7 Christian. “What a wretched man I am!” (Rom 7:24).

This week, as I tried looking for this portrait, I realised with some shock that it has gone. Completely gone. God has taken it away. I no longer carry it around with me. I am free from it. Praise God!

This Romans 7 Christian has, by God’s grace, been brought into the full truth of the gospel gloriously set before us in Romans 8.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death” (Rom 8:1-2); “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry ‘Abba’, Father”. (Rom 8:15); “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Rom 8:37).

The presence of sin in my life is as much a reality as it has ever been. Daily I wrestle with it, I abhor it, I mourn over it, I seek to put it to death, I long, oh how I long for that day when I shall finally be free of it! But I no longer identify myself with it. I count myself dead to sin (Rom 6:11), my sin nature does not have power over me because it is not my master, for I am not under law but under grace (Rom 6:14), it is truly a defeated foe.

The Bible is quite clear as to our position outside of Christ. We were dead in our sins (Eph 2:1), deserving of God’s wrath (Eph 2:3), ungodly (Rom 5:6), enemies of God (Rom 5:10), controlled by the sinful nature (Rom 7:5), slaves to sin (Rom 6:20), living in darkness (Eph 5:8), alienated from God (Col 1:21) separate from Christ, without hope, and without God (Eph 2:12).

BUT NOW, IN CHRIST, all because of His grace, not because of anything we have done, we are new creations (2 Cor 5:17), justified by faith (Gal 2:16), redeemed, forgiven (Eph 1:7), saved (2 Tim 2:10), sanctified (1 Cor 1:2), sons of God (Gal 3:26). We have been marked with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit (Eph 1:13), we have been given righteousness (Phil 3:8), freedom (Gal 2:4), grace (2 Tim 1:9), joy (Phil 1:26), peace (Phil 4:7), and fullness (Col 2:10). We are raised up and seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph 2:6)!

Christ has accomplished so much for us, won so much for us, bought so much for us through His perfect life, His obedience, His death, His resurrection and ascension. Gift upon gift upon gift. And as my understanding of the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints has increased, I see the finished work of Christ on my behalf and I shout in triumph rather than cry out in despair.

The Picture of Dorian Gray has been on my mind for some months. I was toying with the idea of writing a blog post just a few months ago testifying to how my portrait was growing in all its horror as my understanding of God's Holiness and Glory grew. I pray that it gives God a greater glory to testify that instead, He has taken it away.

And I can’t thank Him enough that He has taken it away.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. (2 Cor 1:20).

Out of the mouth of babes

St Mary's Church, Eversley

I have recently started reading “For the Children’s Sake” by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay upon a friend’s recommendation. This is a book about "what education can be--for your child, in your home, and in your school. It is based first on a Christian understanding of what it means to be human and on the Christian meaning of life." In the early pages I came across a quote which made me exclaim “Yes!” and beam with delight at this book in my hand. "Get to know [your] child...Get a few really good books, and read them together aloud...If you have the courage to be honest, that youngster's comments and questions are really going to make you think, think hard. You can throw away all the manuals. That child has an awful lot to teach you. Your mind is probably in a worse state than his."

This spoke to my heart. For I am learning a lot from my 5 year old. My mind is definitely in a worse state than his!

I was feeling sad one day as I wrestled with an issue where I needed to admit I had been in error. Harry noticed this, and asked why I was sad. I decided to be honest, and levelled with him. “Because I’m feeling burdened by my sin, Harry” I replied. He looked at me, and quick as a flash responded “Then why don’t you go to the cross?”.

I sat there, stunned. Not only did he have the exact solution to my problem, the childlike way in which he expressed it completely floored me. Here was someone who had grasped the truth behind this verse: “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10). There was I, struggling with worldly sorrow, feeling miserable that I had drifted away from the Narrow Path. There was Harry, encouraging me to transform my worldly sorrow into Godly sorrow! The innocence of a 5 year old's mind, as yet uncorrupted by the need to maintain a fierce pride in self.

Cross in churchyard at St Mary's, Eversley

We went for a walk that weekend past a local church, St Mary's in Eversley. Harry spotted a big wooden cross in the churchyard and exclaimed excitedly “Look, Mummy! There’s a cross! You can get rid of your burden now!” I smiled. I had already dealt with the issue in prayer before God, but I thought it might help Harry, and me, to have the visual reminder. I walked up to the cross and said a silent prayer. My burden was indeed lifted. Harry jumped around in delight.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

(Matthew 19:14)

Facebook and Fellowship

I confess to being baffled. I don’t understand quite what is happening when I feel a sense of loss because a “friend” whom I have never met, but only exchanged written words with, leaves Facebook. I am even more perplexed when I consider how I would feel if I didn’t have access to Facebook at all. I suddenly realise I have become dependent on Facebook and blogging for a great part of my Christian fellowship.

Facebook for me started out as a way to get in touch with old school friends. It developed into something completely different when I “friended” someone I heard interviewed on a Christian radio show. I’d never done that before, for it’s very un-British to barge in on someone without waiting to be introduced! And then suddenly I was exposed to a whole new circle of friends, who were open about sharing their love for Jesus with others. Some of those friends also had blogs which I started reading. And now, almost a year later, I realise that these “friends” have become a big part of my life, I love them dearly, I am edified and encouraged by them so much in my walk with Christ Jesus, and the thought of not having this fellowship is very unsettling.

Is on-line communication “real”? Well, that’s an interesting one. I wonder if it’s the kindest form of communication – you get to see my heart, without the irritations of how my heart works things out in practice. You get to see the good intentions, but not the failures as I struggle to daily work out loving God and loving neighbour as myself. Do you have an accurate picture of who I really am? I don't know - I think so, for I pour out my heart and soul into what I write. But if we were to meet in person - well, one friendship with an online blogging friend has transcended from virtual reality to real life and we remain good friends, so that gives me hope that you are not getting a completely unrealistic view of me!

Is it possible to "love one another" through the written word? Well, let me just testify to you how I have been "loved" through the written word.

I am loved when I am encouraged and exhorted to remember Christ and who He is, what He has done, what He will yet do. Reading blogs and comments on Facebook, I have been challenged as to whether I am living each day in the sacred, abiding constantly in Him; whether I am living each moment ready for the return of Jesus; reading beautiful words from Octavius Winslow has fed my love for Christ; I have read a testimony from the heart of a Christian, full of grace and truth, which has challenged me not to water down the truth for the sake of misguided sympathy; I have been challenged in my mothering of my own son as I read of how a friend nurtures her boys in the giftings and talents their Heavenly Father has bestowed upon them; I have been encouraged in my praying for the church through a beautiful prayer which a fellow sister has shared, and exhorted in my praying for the persecuted church. And all that is just this last week!!

I have also been loved in other ways through the written word. When I meander around theologically as I try to grapple with the Truth, people who have never met me are so concerned about what I believe that they take the time to write to me, to guide me along the path to Truth, to pray for me! When I once shared personal information about a home situation, I was stunned by the loving response I received, and God alone knows the difference that has had on my prayers for this situation.

I hope I am also able to love others through the written word. I am becoming increasingly conscious that the temptation to jump into a discussion on some theological issue or other to share my views may not always be the wisest course of action, and that with the written word as well as with the spoken word there is "a time to be silent and a time to speak" (Ecc 3:7). It is my prayer that every comment I make through my keyboard may be "full of grace, seasoned with salt" (Col 4:6). I also realise that through Facebook I have been able to share my faith with my non-Christian friends in a way that would never have been possible before, surely the heart of love. Opportunities to speak of the Lord are few and far between in person, yet through this medium I find I am able to express my true heart before them.

There is, however, the ever-present issue of spending way too much time in front of the computer - it seems to take a lot longer now for me to complete my accountancy work than it used to, as I break off to read another reminder of God's goodness. However, on one of those breaks from my work last week, I read this article by Teresa, over at Music from Broken Chords, where she quotes a passage by Octavius Winslow on the lonely walk of the Christian. That touched some buttons. Then I was reminded by Elizabeth of Tozer’s “The Saint Must Walk Alone”. He says: “The pain of loneliness arises from the constitution of our nature. God made us for each other. The desire for human companionship is completely natural and right. The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His Godgiven instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone... He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk.”

And I now realise why it is that Facebook and blogging have become such an important part of my Christian walk of faith. This lonely pilgrim has suddenly found a group of likeminded believers whose hearts are utterly captivated by their Lord and Saviour, who are likewise eager to speak of Him and His beauty.

We may not be meeting in person, but I do believe that “virtual, on-line” meeting is accomplishing the exhortation in these following verses!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)